Self Tests by Psychology Today

Self Disclosure Test for Couples 17 questions, 10-15 min	1 2

How long have you been in your current relationship?

(If you are currently not in a relationship, pick a past relationship and refer to it in your responses.)

You just get home from having one of those days. On your way home you are daydreaming and trying to get your mind off the horrors of the workday when you somehow manage to trip and skid to a stop face down at another pedestrian's feet. You feel humiliated and ridiculous. Upon your arrival home, your partner asks if you had a good day. What is your immediate response?

	"My day was lousy."
	"My day was lousy and, to top it off, I fell flat on my face in the middle of the sidewalk."
	"Lousy but I don't really want to talk about it."
	"I've had better days."
	"My day was okay, nothing special."
	"My day was great."
	I recount the day in so much detail that my partner seems to tune out.

You are watching the evening news with your partner. A special report is aired on an issue you feel strongly about. You know your beliefs are contrary to popular opinion. Do you voice your somewhat "politically incorrect" views to your partner?

	No way, we've talked about it before and I know it would start a fight.
	No, I want to keep that part of my beliefs from him/her. I suspect that s/he would not be in agreement with me on this one.
	No, my political opinions are none of my partner's business.
	Only if s/he asks me how I feel about it.
	Only if s/he voices the same opinion that I hold.
	Yes, I don't hold controversial opinions back from my partner.
	Yes, I have a moral obligation. I'll use any means available to set my partner straight.

You are in the same situation as above, but your beliefs are in synch with popular opinion and your partner's are not. Your partner makes a biting remark about the issue. Do you voice your views too?

	No way, we've talked about it before and I know it would start a fight.
	No, I want to keep that part of my beliefs from him/her.
	No, we don't discuss our social beliefs within our relationship.
	No, my political opinions are none of my partner's business.
	No, I would say I have no opinion.
	Only if s/he asks me how I feel about it.
	Yes, I don't hold any opinions back from my partner.
	Yes, I don't hold back opinions that are in synch with the majority.
	Yes, I have a moral obligation. I'll use any means available to set my partner straight.

You and your partner are out on a Sunday afternoon leisurely walk - or so you thought. After about 15 minutes of enjoying the air your partner is ready to just "pop in" his/her favorite shop. You know this can easily turn into an hour-long ordeal. You agree to go in, hoping s/he will be true to his/her word. After 45 minutes have passed, you are still hanging around the store. Do you bring up your frustration with your partner?

	No, I won't bother him/her with my frustration.
	No, I don't want to create hostility between us.
	No, I drop a few hints and leave it at that if s/he doesn't catch on.
	No, but I keep dropping hints (with decreasing subtlety) until s/he clues in.
	Not directly, but I will act annoyed and/or bored.
	Yes, it is only fair to us both that I express how I feel.
	Yes, I would want to know if I were in his/her situation.
	Yes, I'd be honest and tell him/her that I would rather continue our walk.
	Yes, I would put my foot down and tell him/her I've had enough of his/her selfishness.
	Yes, I would say something like, "I can't believe you would do this - choosing shopping over quality time with me!"

You have an evaluation session scheduled for next week with your boss/teacher. This could prove to be a very important meeting as far as your grades/salary are concerned. As the date looms near, you become more and more nervous. Do you discuss your feelings with your partner?

	No, I don't want my partner to see my weaknesses.
	No, I am uncomfortable discussing my fears with him/her.
	No, my partner won't understand my feelings.
	No, I want to keep my work/school life separate from my personal life.
	Only if s/he notices something's up and asks me about it.
	Only after the fact, when it is all over with.
	Yes, I would mention it but make it sound like no big deal.
	Yes, I would mention it but only elaborate if s/he expresses interest.
	Yes, s/he will be supportive of me.

Your mother has called to chat. She gives you all the gossip on the families in your old neighborhood and then begins her usual line about what is wrong with you (why don't you visit her more often, why did you quit your job/school, or why are you still single/childless?). When you hang up you are irritated beyond words and the phone rings again. It is your partner on the other end of the line asking how things are going. What do you say?

	I re-hash, in detail, the entire conversation with my mom.
	I re-hash, in detail, the entire conversation with my mom, which would just get me going. I wouldn't let my partner go until I recount all my childhood scars.
	I summarize the conversation with my mom, leaving out irrelevant details.
	I mention that I have just hung up with my mom and am in a less than cheerful mood.
	I let him/her know I am in a grumpy mood but I won't let on the reason why.
	I say, "I just hung up with my mom," in a cheery, non-tormented, put-on voice.
	I won't even mention the ridiculous mother-child experience.

Questions 7 and 8 depend on your sexual orientation. If you are into MEN, click here. If you are attracted to WOMEN respond to the following questions:

You desperately want to go to see the new Jennifer Lopez (or another Hollywood heartthrob) movie, which also stars Brad Pitt. You know the storyline looks a bit weak but you don't care, you LOVE Jennifer because she's so hot. When your partner asks why you are so set on this film what response are you most likely to give?

	"I think the story line looks entertaining."
	"I read some reviews on the movie and it seems great."
	I sheepishly admit my innocent crush on Jennifer.
	"Jennifer is a tremendous actress."
	"Brad is a tremendous actor."
	"Jennifer is not a bad looking gal."
	I half-jokingly spill the beans, "`Cause Jennifer is hot."
	"Jennifer is so HOT," and I elaborate on all her drool-worthy features.
	"I thought YOU wanted to see it!"

Your partner has a certain childhood friend with whom she continues to spend time. This girl is really annoying. She is very bossy and pushy, especially when you are around. Do you share your feelings about her with your partner?

	No way, I'd worry that she'd choose her longtime friend over me if I were to bring it up.
	No, it's not my place to comment on her friends.
	No, I don't want to upset my partner.
	Yes, but only if my partner asks my opinion of her pal.
	Yes, but I'll soften my comments - this person is special to my partner.
	Yes, I would ask my partner how she could possibly be friends with such a witch.

Questions 7 and 8 depend on your sexual orientation. If you are into WOMEN, and already answered questions 7 and 8, skip to question 9. If you are attracted to MEN respond to the following questions:

You desperately want to go to see the new Keanu Reeves (or another Hollywood heartthrob) movie, which also stars Jennifer Lopez. You know the storyline looks a bit weak but you don't care, you LOVE Keanu because he's so hot. When your partner asks why you are so set on this film what response are you most likely to give?

	"I think the story line looks entertaining."
	"I read some reviews on the movie and it seems great."
	I sheepishly admit my innocent crush on Keanu.
	"Keanu is a tremendous actor."
	"Jennifer is a tremendous actress."
	"Keanu is not a bad looking guy."
	I half-jokingly spill the beans, "`Cause Keanu is hot."
	"Keanu is so HOT," and I elaborate on all his drool-worthy features.
	"I thought YOU wanted to see it!"

Your partner has a certain childhood friend with whom he continues to spend time. This guy is really annoying. He is very bossy and pushy, especially when you are around. Do you share your feelings about him with your partner?

	No way, I'd worry that he'd choose his longtime friend over me if I were to bring it up.
	No, it's not my place to comment on his friends.
	No, I don't want to upset my partner.
	Yes, but only if my partner asks my opinion of his bud.
	Yes, but I'll soften my comments - this person is special to my partner.
	Yes, I would ask my partner how he could possibly be friends with such a jerk.